Sasuke's day off
by yaoi-midnight-mistress
Summary: After a long mission. Sasuke tries to relax and enjoy his day off. But his damn cell just keeps going off. And the calls are extremely weird. Chaos ensures. It mentions just about every character.


**Always wonder why Sasuke spends his time training? Now this is why, this takes place on one of his day's off. All the Character's have cells. And Sasuke is 16 too. It is kinda a AU too.**

It was my first day off in a while and I decided to sleep in, that was my first mistake. At five am I got woken up by my cell ringing it was Naruto so I answered it.

"Idiot, It's five in the morning what do you what." needless to say I was pissed all I wanted to do was sleep in but no I got woken up my best friend. Naruto was living with his older brother Kyuubi and Kyuubi often went to crazy parties.

"Okay repeat that again only slower." I said. Naruto said something but it was too fast for me to hear.

"You did what with Neji!!??" the idiot just told me he had sex with Neji!!

"So what is your excuse?" I asked he always had the best excuses.

"So you went with Kyuubi to a bar. That was your first mistake. Then you got drunk, I really thought you were smarter than that." I said, he never got drunk with his brother ever. Not after last time and he got drunk and wound up in bed with lipstick all over his chest.

"Come on Naruto you did not wake me up just to tell me that." he was starting to get on my nerves.

"You said what when you came!!???!! Dude I don't know who you should be more scared of Hinata or Neji." said Sasuke. Naruto just admitted he said Hinata's name when he came.

"Look just tell them the truth." I said I was getting real tired of him.

"No I will not go with you get Kyuubi to go with you." I said.

"Repeat that, who is he in bed with?" I thought I heard him say something.

"He's with Sai you're kidding me?!" Well that did prove it was the quite ones that get you.

"Don't go into the details" I said then I hung up on him

Something told me this was going to be a long day.

I went back to sleep again until wouldn't you know it my cell went off again. This time it was about ten so I was about to get up anyway. But, it was who called me that was the issue, it was Karin.

I dated her once and now she is obsessed about me.

"What do you want?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Yes today is my day off." I said.

"No I do not want to go to lunch with you." she was really annoying.

"Yes I'm sure I already have plans." I really did have plans, relaxing.

"Yes I am sure." she then hung up most likely going to mope around then call ne again later.

Well now I was up so I figured might as well make breakfast while I still have my appetite.

So I decided to make a simple cheese omelet, it was my fav. I sat down to eat my breakfast when my cell stated to vibrate I looked at the name. It was Sakura and I knew if I did not answer it she'd just come over.

She was in a relationship with Kiba, she had broke it off with Gaara. It's not that she did not enjoy being with him but he had no time for her, being the leader of his village and all. So she broke it off until he could his priorities straight.

"What do you want Sakura?" I asked.

"So you did a threesome with Kiba no big deal. So was Gaara the third one?" I asked I really had no idea why she called me.

"Wait who was the third person! Kiba did what to Akamaru?!" I asked. She just told me the third person was Akamaru under a jutsu.

"Just get a full body tick and flea check." I said.

She then started yelling at me so I let her yell.

"You still love him right? Okay just tell him never to do it again." I said and she hung up.

I bet right now you are all wondering why they all have my number right. Well Tsunade had all of us swap numbers, to get us to socialize with each other. To tell you the truth I think she did it just to get on my nerves. She knew I was a loner and felt that I needed to be around other my own age.

I was able to finish my breakfast in peace, then I got started on the repairs that needed to be done around the house.

Itachi had been meaning to get them done but he was always either on a mission, at Kisame's, or asleep.

The repairs where simple, fix the AC, replace the creaky window, and fix the leak in the roof.

I had my head in the AC duck when my damn cell went off again. The reason why I have yet to turn it off was because even though it was my day off I was on call. Meaning if anything happened I'd be called.

I was so concentrated on my work that I hit my head on the duck.

I looked to see who was calling me, it was Gaara. Great now I have to deal with him too.

"Look I will not listen to you whine about Sakura leaving you for Kiba." that was the first thing I said as I rubbed my head.

Gaara started to cry, man when this kid wanted to he could be such a drama queen.

"Calm down take a deep breath and then tell me what happened." I said as calmly as I could.

He calmed down and told me what happened.

Kankuro had drugged him so he would sleep at night. Gaara was an insomnia he rarely got any sleep, maybe three hours a day tops. The reason was because when his father was alive and he was living with him he was abused at night. Tsunade had made this drug that would put him in a dreamless sleep.

"Look Gaara did you have any nightmares?" I asked.

"Okay then maybe you should take the pills and after a while you might be able to sleep at night." I said.

"Don't go bringing what happened to me into this." I said now I was starting to get very pissed off.

When I was eight Itachi killed off our entire clan. It was a gang initiation and it was also to protect me as well. He had witnessed Akatsuki, the biggest gang in Konaha, killing a young couple. They had given him a choice join their gang willingly or they'd kill me. They had told him to kill off the entire clan, including me. He killed off the entire clan but was unable to kill me. Pein the leader went to kill me after I had fainted from seeing all the blood. But according to Itachi, Kisame stopped him, saying that keeping me alive would always give him something to use against Itachi. So he let me live.

I was plagued with nightmares for four years. A couple of months ago Itachi and Kisame, along with Deidara and Sasori, managed to set a trap with the police. Our Uncle Madara, Pein, Zetsu, and Kabuto where arrested and where now in jail. Charged with murder of course, the murder of the Uchiha clan along with robbery and other charges. The only one not caught was the pedophile and rapist Orochimaru. He had some how escaped.

"What happened to me was different and I eventually got over the nightmares. Your father has been dead for six years and you still can't sleep at night." I said to him.

"Just take the pills for a week and then try to sleep without them for a week." I said.

"Okay then tell Kankuro I said hi." I then hung up and went back to fixing the AC.

It took a while to get it fixed but it was starting to get really hot in the day and hotter at night so it had to be fixed.

The window was easier to replace than I thought. I just got it put in when my cell rang.

It was Deidara, so I answered it.

Sasori, Deidara, Kisame and my brother had gotten off with 150 hours of community service, mainly teaching self defense or cleaning the village, counseling, and having to report to a parole officer three times a week. It was a lighter sentence than what they would have got. But Pein and Madara had manipulated them into killing. Sasori had witnessed his father and mother killed by a man in a mask when he was ten, who was really Pein, he spent three years of his life looking for that man. Pein found him and realized he was the son of the people he had killed three years ago. So Pein took him in and trained him as a killer. Deidara on the other hand was a different story, he was an artist that love to sculpt. He had a lover, who was blind, that was his best friend everything was good until his lover bought some exploding clay that was meant to go to Akatsuki. His lover was killed while he was away for the clay. Deidara came home and saw the house had been destroyed his lover was dieing and there was not enough time to save him. The last thing his lover did was he handed Deidara the clay and said that they were after the clay and handed the clay to him. Deidara was found by Madara clutching his lover's dead body. Madara told him there was a way to not make his death in vain. So Deidara joined Akatsuki, same as Sasori, neither knowing the truth. The two of them fell in love and where lovers, one day they found out the truth about each other. It was then Itachi and Kisame enlisted their help in ending Akatsuki once and for all. We all had each others numbers it seemed to be the best thing at the time.

"Deidara what is it?" I asked it was unusual for him to call me.

"Sasori has what? Stuck where?!" I asked. I thought he had just said he got his clay stuck in Sasori.

"What where you two….wait don't tell me." I did not want to know.

"So why'd you call me?" I asked.

"Didn't Tsunade give you her number?" She had given them her number in case she needed anything, she was the leader and the best doctor of the village. She and her assistant where the only ones allowed to treat Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, my brother and me. She knew our history be heart and we knew she'd do nothing to hurt us.

"You lost it?" those two were so scatter brained.

"Also is the clay, exploding clay, cause you know you are not suppose to have that." Deidara was not to have an explosives at all. And wouldn't you know it the clay was exploding clay that meant that unless Deidara got it out of Sasori in a hour Sasori would either blow up or the clay would slowly make it's way into his blood system and kill him.

"You will be in so much trouble when she finds out, and don't say she won't she will. Here is her number and don't lose it again." I gave him the number and hung up.

Now all that was left was to fix that damn leak.

I had noticed the leak when Itachi and Kisame had stayed the night. I was asleep in my bedroom when I woke up hearing them, it was then I saw the water dripping from the ceiling.

It was not very big but, it often rained in the summer. The worse thing was that I had to go up to the attic.

The house I was staying at was one my father had outside of the Uchiha complex, he had got it for Itachi so he'd be able to see life outside of the complex. A simple two story house with a wine cellar and an attic. It had two bathrooms and three bedrooms.

The only way to get to the attic was to pull the drawstring and pull the ladder down. There was just something about the attic I did not like it creeped me out a little. Not that I was easily creeped out but, I just got the feeling something was watching me.

I found the leak easily and plugged it with some putty then covered it with a piece of left over dry wall from the main repairs.

When I first came here I was nine, and Kakashi was staying with me until I could sleep without nightmares.

The house was a mess but we got it fixed like new.

He did come back though to put an emergency number in my cell, all I had to do was hit the two key and hold it or shout out a prearrangement code word. It would connect my cell to ANBU, my cell even had a tracker in it to even if it was off they'd still be able to find me.

It was given to me after my brother came back, ANBU thought I was likely to be targeted by Orochimaru.

I was climbing down the ladder when I felt my cell went off again, I slipped, and slid down the ladder. This time is was Konahamaru. At first I wondered how he got my number then it came to me, Naruto. The little sneak must have given his mini-me my number.

"Konahamaru what the hell do you want." I said as I rubbed my shoulder, I think I might have pulled something when I slid down.

"Quit yelling and tell me!" I said as I put the heating pack in the microwave.

"So you were practicing the camouflage jutsu and decided to see if Kakashi was home. And he was you caught him doing what again." I said as I took out the heating pack on my shoulder.

"So you caught him masturbating while reading Make-Out Paradise no big deal, you caught Naruto doing that once too. Wait he knew you where watch, you sure?" I asked as I sat down with a glass of water in my hand.

"He winked at you when he was done and his Sharingan was on. He probably did not see you I mean the Sharingan does not see though every jutsu. And you say he winked at you, he was likely shutting his Sharingan eye. You over react way too much. Your lucky he did not charge you for breaking and entering. Now please leave me alone." I said as I hung up.

I got up and looked in the fridge for something last night Kakashi came over like he usually does once a month. Even after the nightmares stopped I still needed the company. Last night we shared a pizza, nothing big just a pizza and a movie. Sure he had his issues but so did just about every in this village.

I heated up two slices and went back to the chair I was sitting in beforehand.

I got half way through my last slice and wouldn't you know it my damn phone rang again.

It was Naruto's perverted teach Jiraiya. How he got my number again, Naruto.

"Why are you calling me? This better be important." I said, Jiraiya in one word was a pervert. This fifty year old man was caught more times peeking into the woman's bath than most women go to the bath.

"Wait you did what?" I asked I thought I had miss heard him. He just said he slept with Haku.

"I know he looks like a chick, but that is no excuse for drunken sex. You are worse than Naruto." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"No I will not tell you what Naruto did ask him yourself anything else?!!" I asked.

"So now Zabuza is planning on killing you? Well no duh you slept with his lover. Just explain to him you where drunk. And pray he listens, make sure Shikamaru is with you just in case he goes nuclear. Now please figure it out and don't go calling me, call Tsunade instead." I said and I then hung up.

Why the hell was everyone having sexual issues I had no idea they all must have gone to the same party or something. The reason I did not go was because the last time I got drunk I saw the massacre again . Every now and again I'd have a drink A DRINK, only one no more.

I took the heating pack off my shoulder and rubbed it a little, I'd have to see if Sakura or Tsunade could take a look at it, it was still a little sore.

My phone went off again but when I answered it no one was there. That was weird, to make thing weirder the number was not on my phone and the area code did not match to a Konaha area code.

So I called Itachi.

"Hey Itachi you busy?" I asked.

"My cell went off but no one was there and the area code was from outside Konaha." he had told me to call him if any thing weird happened while he was gone.

"You want me to text you the number why?" I asked we rarely texted it was only for emergencies.

"Fine I will no need to get prissy" I said. He had told me to just do it.

I hung up and texted him the number.

He called back.

"Why what's wrong Itachi?" I asked he told me to leave and to leave now. It was then I heard a noise from the wine cellar.

"Brother what the hell is going on?" I asked as I went down to the cellar.

"Wait the number came from the sound, you mean it…" I began until I felt a hand wrap around my mouth.

"Hello Sasuke." was the last thing I heard before I was knocked out.

When I came to I was tied to the chair down in the wine cellar.

"Glad you are finally awake." said the voice. I knew who it was, it was Orochimaru.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked as I tested my bonds. They where tight and not helping my shoulder at all.

"I'm going to use you to get Kabuto out of jail." said Orochimaru as he uncorked a wine bottle.

"Why not the whole gang?" I asked I as I tried to get the kunai I kept under my black shirt out.

"Don't even bother, I removed all of your weapons, including the six senbon needles in your hair." Orochimaru said to me.

"Why just Kabuto?" I asked.

"Without him around my sexual drive is getting a little out of control." he said with a smile and he started to approach me.

"Touch me and I'll use Chidori." I said as he stood in front of my still with the wine bottle in hand. Chidori was the word I was to say, something told me Orochimaru used my cell to place the ransom.

"Oh I plan on doing a lot more than touching you." said Orochimaru as he put something from a white packet into the wine.

"As if I'm going to drink that now. Next time you put something into the wine make sure I'm not looking you, ignorant,…." but the last part of my rant was cut off by the bottle being forced into my mouth and my nose being held shut.

He removed it after I had drank all of it and put a gag over my mouth so I wouldn't be able to throw it up which I was thinking of doing.

My vision started to blur and I heard another voice, then three others. What sounded like flying Kunai and other weapons. I then blacked out.

When I woke up I was on the couch and sat up slowly.

"What the hell happened?" I asked as I clutched my head.

"We got Orochimaru, he's on his way to jail, with the charges of illegal imprisonment and attempted rape. We all know what he was about to do." said Itachi as he handed me a pill. I noticed his hair was not in the usual ponytail.

"Take the pill Sasuke." said Kisame.

"Thanks." I said as I took the pill. "Do I even want to you what you do were doing."

"Let's just say Itachi's hairtie can do more than tie off hair." said Tsunade as she came out with a heating pack for my shoulder.

"Great after the calls I had today I really needed that image in my head." I said sarcastically.

"I fixed your shoulder you pulled a muscle and nearly dislocated it." said Tsunade as she handed to me.

"Thanks." I said as I put it on my shoulder.

"It'll still be sore for a day." said Tsunade.

"Is Kakashi still downstairs?" asked Itachi.

"Yes, so is Iruka, along with some of the police force. But it's just to scope the crime scene." said Tsuande.

"Sasuke did you ever here any noises from downstairs?" asked Kakashi as he came back up.

"No why do you ask." I said as I shifted the heating pack.

"Judging by the evidence he's been down there for about a week." said Kakashi.

"No I did not, not until I heard the wine bottle fall." I said.

"Well good job finishing up the repairs." he said as he sat down next to me.

"Thanks." I said.

My cell started to ring and Kakshi handed it to me. It was in the evidence bag but luckily my phone was a slider so all I hand to do was slide it open to answer it.

"Yes what is it?" I asked.

"Lee what the hell did you do with Ino?" I asked.

All eyes my now were now on me.

"She bended you into a pretzel and you are now suck." I said I was actually surprised he could bend that far.

"I don't know, wait how are you calling me, you dialed the number with your tongue. Did not need to know that at all." I said.

It looked like my brother, and Kakashi were doing their best not to laugh.

"Call Jugo and he'll be able to un-pretzel you." I shut the phone and hung up.

"I guess last night's party's repercussions are still coming." said Itachi.

"You went to that party?" I asked.

"It was at my place, I threw the party." said Itachi.

"And I was not invited?" I asked.

"Things got kinda crazy, I guess you already know that." said Itachi.

"Also you'd have gotten drunk and I know what happens when you are drunk." said Itachi.

"Thanks." I said.

"I'd invite you to the next one. So long as you only have one drink." said Itachi.

"How about we hold it here? We have a wine cellar." said Sasuke.

"By Friday the crime scene will be cleared." said Kakashi.

"Okay then the next party we have will be here. And it will be a celebration to the end of Akatsuki." said Itachi.

"Sounds good to me." said Sasuke.

**Author's Note: Just a little something I put together to clear the writers block and it worked!!! All of my fics will have an update this weekend enjoy people and please review!! Also I have an unrated version of this fic too. it which it was not attempted rape, it was all out rape. Just go to my profile to get the link.  
**


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